Apparently, the LCMS has a Commission on Worship, which studies music for theological clarity so that songs may be used in a congregation. They have now adopted some 100 “contemporary” songs after years of study and hope to be rocking the church like a Buffet concert. There is nothing like a bunch of old people acting like they are 20. However, these songs are meant to cause excitements and decisions. I commend them for their efforts. They are beginning to realize the need for things that appeal to the benighted masses. Is this video from one of their progressive churches?

Is this pastor trying to make people watch this TV show? He certainly isn’t “treeing the devil”! Where is the terror? Where are the excitements? This mundane skit bores me to no end. Have the people really become this dull? At least he didn’t talk about sacraments, forgiveness, atonement, and other such things. I just don’t know how the “tight spot” and “walking in faith” equation would attract anyone but a dullard.

Here we go… this guy needs to get off the xoloft and scotch. Now I am not opposed to such measures, but I keep waiting for him to jerk the wheel into oncoming traffic. I am offering him a scholarship. At the very least, I will pay for a professional enema to get the journey going. If anyone doubts the need of the LCMS for my help, then take a ride with this guy.

 

Epic Church in Michigan has announced a new contemporary praise band. These guys are ablaze and they rock it out! A true Pentecost of praise. Check out these fireworks-

 

 They fill the auditorium and will definitely bring growth. I am becoming optimistic about the LCMS>

I would commend this to the band at Crosspoint (Get through the video and intro). Fergie’s cover of “Barracuda” by Heart explicitly cries out, “You got me down on my knees.” This must be about prayer. She rocks the new measures. Just look at the response of both young and old! Look at the excitement! Is it the leather pants? Is it the one-arm flips? Who cares? Sign me up! What a great opportunity to reach out! I am a believer! You in the jungle, baby!

The Stones? Kravitz? Henley? Beatles? Guitar and drum? These guys rock! Apparently, Frank Hart and Angel Echo are going together and really like to entertain the wealthy white consumer. I’d come down the aisle after their gig. Check out these vids! It makes me want my MTV. Money for nothing and your chicks for free! I shoulda learned to play the guitar. I shoulda learned to play the drums. It would have been more effective-

“Now look at them yo-yo’s that’s the way you do it
You play the guitar on the MTV
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Money for nothin’ and your chicks for free
Now that ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ain’t dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
Maybe get a blister on your thumb”

“I shoulda learned to play the guitar
I shoulda learned to play them drums
Look at that mama, she got it stickin’ in the camera
Man we could have some
And he’s up there, what’s that? Hawaiian noises?
Bangin’ on the bongoes like a chimpanzee
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Get your money for nothin’ get your chicks for free”

I have heard of gimmicks. Heck, I am the king of gimmicks. But a stupid dog asking questions? Such excitements will only work on lonely old ladies that reek of cigarettes, cheap red wine, and Aqua Net. I may have to donate my time to these poor saps in the LCMS. Sigh.

I think this guy is delayed. Not delayed in the developmental sense. Delayed in the prideful and arrogant sense. Who is he? Does he really think that the new measures will not be “offensive”?  The preacher needs to offend and even the traditional preaching remains offensive. I think he is pandering, not preaching. These excitements will not endure. The unconverted must be stricken by terror. Everyone, even the old school, recognizes the need for law. Wow! These LCMS guys really need some help. I hope he signs up for my workshop.

He likes the coffee shop, wondering if it grows the community or if the community makes the coffee shops grow? What? Does he do snuff? Does anyone do snuff anymore?

Why not the tent? It was my “church” and more effective than anything I have seen around. I am older than his grandfather and infinitely more productive. I challenge him to a duel! Does anyone duel anymore?

Now if you want to talk about place, then let me tell you about the outhouse. There is a place I can think… nothing like the outhouse for good reflection!

At least their music stays with you and makes you tap your foot. Boy, we know God loves that! Enjoy some coffee and God! This guy rocks- I just wish he would take the seminar.

They all said…

He mentioned meat and all I could think was him rubbing pot roast all over his chest. Excitable boy, they all said. The Rev. Warren Zevon may be the best theologian of the last fifty years.

Well, this guy is an excitable boy. He is passionate about reading. He is about impact. He is about results. He is about love. He is about knowledge. And he is in his Sunday best. Excitable boy, they all said.

Excited, yet long winded. Need to cut it short for the sake of effectiveness. Whoa! Knowledge… power… freedom… love… influence… effect… faith… negative impact… tattoo (not the guy from fantasy island)… backpack questions… but no altar call. Where is this guy going? No Jesus or sin or fear or terror. No answers. No direction. Nothing. How does this excitable boy expect to excite anyone? I’ll give him a free pass to my seminar.